Can you rate another poem?

Hear the child wail below

his blanket

and the wilting

of small geraniums

and summer cowards

bent out of shape

of wind and milk

dreamless

--though not thoughtless

the humming of zealots in the willows

exume (from the lungs and gums

of critical things) small crumbs

of pitifully useless knowledge,

as scalpels of brown prophets

split Athena’s wings
Can you rate another poem?
Though I love the phrase "from the lungs and gums of critical things" it just doesn't work in the poem for me, especially because it creates the only rhyme in the poem. I could really use a title again to help set the scene here, but otherwise it seems complete but oddly two separate things by the end. It seems like it splits after "dreamless/--though not thoughtless" and becomes a different story. I guess what I'm getting at is that as a whole, it doesn't work for me, but as two separate pieces it does which is why I think a title might unify the two halves a little better.

I'd give this one an 8/10 for those reasons. Again, though, the langauge is very descriptive and it flows pretty well. It just doesn't seem completely connected for me.
Reply:One stanza poem? Be accurate when you're creating poems next time. I'll rate it 2/10
Reply:I love this. 9.